I shut the door on the final party guest, waving them off as they huddled into their car and drove out of view.
“That just leaves Kat.” Kitling said quietly enough that she wouldn’t hear from the other room. She’d be spending the night here anyway, so with that the party was officially over. As I closed the door there was a definite sense of closure to the party. Normality must return. It was late, but with Kat still up and seemingly not wanting to sleep any time soon it’d save us some trouble to start cleaning up now rather than leaving it to our hungover future selves in the morning.
I turned back to see the living room in a state. More empty cups than there were guests, some still with the last dregs of inky mystery alcohol lingering in them, cushions strewn about the room, the rug kicked up and littered with crumbs, rings of liquid hastily soaking into the wooden coffee table.
“I told them to use coasters.” I said, eyeing the damage to the wood.
“You sound like you’re fifty.” Kat drawled from the one-person seat she lay sprawled out in. She still loosely held a cup of her own in her hand, dangled over the edge of the sofa where she lay with her feet up right on the armrest. Kat hadn’t even turned her head to face me while she spoke, she just kept her eyes closed and berated me with the back of her head pushing into the soft cushioned back of the chair. Her long, blonde hair had been perfectly placed when she arrived but now stuck out in disarray. Her makeup was beginning to smudge and lipstick marks stained a good number of the cups and bottles scattered around her vicinity.
“Coffee tables aren’t cheap you know. This one was at least…” I tried calculating the price in my mind. “Twenty pizzas.” Maybe a little more than that. “Twenty large pizzas.” I clarified through my drunken stupor. I started collecting cups and glasses to move them to the sink. Kat took a slow sip from her drink, her eyes still closed. I thought she’d wind up spilling it down herself.
“You need to chill out. Deal with it in the morning. You can always buy another coffee table.” She garbled, half of what she said being almost unintelligible.
“I don’t want to buy another coffee table. And get your feet off the cusions.” I said, waving an empty glass her way. She protested in a childish manner, kicking her feet into the chair. Probably for the best she wasn’t wearing shoes, just a pair of those low-riding socks in a princess pink colour.
“Fuck your couch!” she drunkenly giggled.
“Kat, the party’s over now. You should help us clean up, not make more of a mess.” Kitling mentioned as she made her way around the room scooping up the cushions and putting them back.
“I’m the guest here, I’m like… a visiting dignitary from a far off land.” She reasoned. “You may call me Princess Kat, peasants.” She clapped her hands twice. “Now clean my pretties, clean for me!”
She wasn’t making it any easier for us and I dropped a knowing glance to Kitling. I don’t know why she put up with this loudmouth cheerleader. She was the most basic bitch possible and had arrived complete with Uggs and a starbucks cup she’d added white rum to in order to appear like less of a raging alcoholic than she was. Me and Kitling knew once her looks withered up she’d be left with a rotten personality and not much else to show for it, but Kitling saw something better in her. For now, she was loving every minute of her beauty and used it to get anything she wanted.
“If you’re not going to help us, I’ll tie you to that chair and leave you there all night.” Kitling grinned. Her cheeks were flushed red from the alcohol, I could practically feel the heat her face was giving off from where I stood. “Maybe we’ll drag it outside.” That smile warmed me. Kitling was beautiful but down to earth too, sensible but down for a good time as well.
Kat let her head droop to the side and opened her eyes with a sleepy, drunken wobble as her head bobbed from side to side. “You can’t do that.” For a few moments she had a gleam in her eye like she seemed to be thinking of a reason why, but just rolled her head back into the back of the seat and gave up on the idea.
“You’ll have to find out. Come and help me put the food away.” Kitling added, motioning to the table that’d been pushed up against the wall with a plastic sheet over the top of it. Some people had brought their own goodies to be added to the pile of chips and cake, pies and pastries. Now it was a mess of crumbs and a barely touched vegetable platter that may as well have been mere decoration.
I made my way into the kitchen and dumped the seven or so cups I’d managed to carry at once into the sink. On my way back out I saw Kitling creeping behind the armchair in which Kat lay, a spool of purple ribbon in her hands. She pulled out a length of it, enough to get around the back of the chair and under the back feet. Even though she was drunk, Kitling managed to deftly wrap one of the loose ends around Kat’s wrist and quickly tie a knot.
“What’re you doing? Hey!” Kat protested, still slurring her words.
“I told you, if you don’t help you’ll get tied up.” Kitling giggled, already taking a hold of her other arm and attaching the ribbon. She’d snatched the drink away from her and plopped it down on the table.
Kitling moved out from the back of the armchair to inspect her work. Now sat upright since she had no other option, her arms were pulled back and her chest pushed out. Her noticeable breasts pushed against the fabric of her shirt as she wriggled and writhed, trying to escape.
“Lemme go! I still have more boozeeeee.” She whined. “Kitliiiinnnnggggg!” The tone of her voice was the very incarnation of everything annoying about her.
Kitling just walked over to the food table silently. I watched as Kat writhed around and struggled ceaselessly with a smile on my face. Kat soon returned with a cherry pie held aloft that one of the guests had made at home. They weren’t particularly good at baking, and cherry clearly hadn’t been a fan favourite as it had gone untouched. Kat was quick to catch on to what was happening.
“No, no Kitling this top is Louis and my leggings are Gucci, Kitling I swear-”
Her protests were silenced with the squelching and spattering of pie in her face. A squeal came from within the pie mush and her feet flailed and kicked wildly in the air, threatening to knock over anything in their path. Kitling responded by rubbing the pie around in her face, getting red stains in her blonde hair and completely ruining her outfit. Kitling’s grin had now turned into a full blown smile. Remembering last time, being on the receiving end, it felt much better to be the one dishing it out.
“Argh, that felt so good. I’ve been waiting to do that for years.”
Kat started wailing like a raptor, her kicking feet moving even more wildly now and her arms pulling at her restraints. She violently shook her head in an attempt to remove pie from her face, but the thick, sticky filling clung to her eyes and covered her nose.
“You’ll wake the whole neighbourhood up if you keep screaming like that.” Kitling crossed her arms and studied the screaming girl in her chair. Abruptly, her eyebrows raised at a thought she had.
“I’ve got just the thing to shut you up.” Kitling added, stumbling off into another room. It wasn’t even a minute before she returned with a dirty sock from the laundry, it needed cleaning anyway so a little pie wouldn’t matter. Playfully she leaned over Kat and began to push it into her mouth. She clamped her jaws shut and tried to shake her head again, but Kitling held her head still and forced it inside. With muffled cries Kat accepted her fate, bawling into the stinky sock now lodged in her maw.
Kitling licked the pie filling off her fingers from where she held Kat’s face and glanced over to me with a big smile. It didn’t take her long to notice the look on my face and the tent in my pants and her smile turned into a smirk as her eyes locked onto me. She strode to me and grabbed me by the wrist, pulling me towards the bedroom as Kat whimpered softly and gave her restraints a few more yanks.
“I’ll let you free in an hour.” Kitling muttered to Kat, giving me another glance. “Maybe a little more.”