This… this is difficult for me to talk about, though I must be kidding myself - because with my fall from grace, there’s really nothing I can even be ashamed about anymore.
My status in the Hidden Leaf Village has fallen to the point beyond repair, and my role as one of the ninjas, set to train and sacrifice for the good of the village, no longer exists. I was once admired and respected, and now, I am now scorned and despised, labeled as the “whore of the Hidden Leaf”.
It all started with Pain, though I feel as if I can only blame myself. He had overpowered me, and cornered me when I had nowhere to go. We had learnt how to defend ourselves as ninjas, but never what actions to pursue after we’ve been defeated. Maybe a defeat truly means we’re no longer worth anything to the village. At least, that’s how they had made me feel at the time.
I was victimized by Pain, and though I had thought we were alone at the time, the actions he had forced me to endure was the worst I had ever done. I was tied up skillfully, forced to give up my virginity in all three holes to a man I despised, and he loved every single second of it. I cried and struggled the best I could, but I was no match for him, and ultimately had to give up everything in the hopes that someone would come for me.
The depths of my despair sunk lower when I saw him standing there watching us, with no indication he would lift a single finger to help. Maybe seeing me being tormented by Pain turned him on, or maybe he didn’t think there was anything he could do about it. I could spy Naruto’s erection as Pain penetrated me over and over again, and I cried out for Naruto, begging him to help in any way he could.
Instead of approaching, though, he had left us behind, and based on what happened in the next few weeks, I firmly believe Naruto Uzumaki had told the entire village what had happened to me. It made me realize the incident had turned him on. It brought out something inside of him, something I had no idea was there. He wanted to spread my shame to as many people as he possibly could, because the more I fell, the more pleased he was.
This event marked my descent into shame and despair, and seemed to have dramatically altered how people viewed me from then on.
It started with pure isolation. I went from villager to villager, to people I thought I could trust the most in the world - my family, my friends, my fellow peers - none gave me the solace I needed, and blamed me for causing shame onto myself. It led to the lowest of the lows, forcing me to loathe myself, to tell myself that it was truly my fault.
I didn’t know who Hinata was anymore. I didn’t see myself as a star pupil, fit to be the wife of Hokage. Instead, I was a burden on the village, someone they wished they could abandon, but were too kind to do so.
I believe Hanabi was the worst of them. She was manipulative and cruel, and took advantage of my vulnerability. Something had broken inside of her when she had heard of my encounter with Pain. She began to believe she was far superior than me, and saw me as someone who was weak, and easy to break. I supposed it was my fault for putting that image in her head. She used this to her advantage, and tried to do similar things to me that Pain did, tying me up and laughing at me when I couldn’t get out of my bonds. She made me walk around the village tied to her. She told me this was all I deserved, and when she stuck her dirty toes into my mouth and demanded I suck each and every one and be appreciative of it, I believed her.
She told me how worthless I was, and the more she repeated it, the more I believed her. She was the person who knew me most in the world, and if she truly believed I was nothing, who wouldn’t I agree with her?
There was a time where I felt for the other girls in the village. For Sakura, Ino, and TenTen. If they had been attacked by Pain, or if someone in the future targets them for similarly cruel acts, would they also be shunned by the village? Would shatter and crack just like I did, or would they remain strong, never wavering in their identity?
I would never wish the fate that I had endured onto anyone.
I have been silenced, blackmailed, and used by the Hidden Leaf Village toi do their dirty work. They told me I was already martyred and used, so what would it matter if they let our enemies use me more? I was threatened and forced to smile, moan, and use my words to turn them on. People would watch me and ridicule me, making the punishments even worse. They told me to listen to them, because without the village, I could be an orphan - abandoned, alone, and forced to endure an even worse fate.
I feel forever lost in my thoughts, forever recounting the past over and over again, and I don’t think of myself as the old Hinata any longer. No one in the village does, and I must embrace my future self. I am a tainted figure, and I must act as such from now on. It’s how Naruto sees me, it’s how my family sees me, and it’s the best for all of us this way.
I will step into the darkness, into the unknown future, and I will forge a new path, free from the constraints and judgment of the past.
They were all right about me. Every single one of them. My name is Hinata, and I am the whore of the Hidden Leaf Village.