Youtubers - Minishaw

Simon wasn’t in a good mood, and Harry could tell. Of course he could tell. They had been working together for years now. He knew when he was putting on a fake personality for the Sidemen channel, putting on a happy appearance for the audience, knowing that they would know if he gave even a small indication that he was upset. He didn’t want to bring it up before the recording, knowing that it might be a little too personal, so Harry decided to talk to him after the show. He would have to. He never liked seeing Simon like that, and he knew that Simon wasn’t social with anyone other than the Sidemen. It had always been like that. Youtube and their community of fans were everything to them, and their entire lives revolved around their channels, and what they represented. It meant they didn’t have a life outside of youtube or social media, despite how much they showed to their audience.

Simon Minter was tall and lanky, with stunning blue eyes, with dyed blonde tips on his hair, and had a slight stubble on his face. He was constantly smiling, a bright smile that illuminated his face, and Harry was always a little jealous of how he attracted the audience with that smile alone. He was wearing a black Adidas jacket and a tight black t-shirt, complemented with jeans and sneakers, which was now hidden beneath his crossed legs as he looked at the TV screen in concentration. They were currently filming a joint video about the new FIFA game, which they were both being incredibly terrible at. Well, they were usually not this bad… but with the way Simon was looking, his mind was clearly somewhere else.

Harry Lewis was much shorter than Simon, and was four years younger than him, as well. Of course he looked up to his friend, who had taught him a lot of how to be a proper youtuber. Harry had blue eyes as well, with light brown hair and thin lips. He was much less smiley than Simon, though playing games with the other man like this always brought the laughter out of him. He had a stubble as well, though he shaved it from time to time. Today, he was completely shaven.

“That’s all for today, and see ya!” Simon was saying. It brought Harry out of the thoughts swirling in his mind, and he smiled one last time at the audience before Simon stopped the recording.

Harry groaned and collapsed onto the ground, rolling around in the carpet dramatically as he did. Simon ignored him, and got up to grab a glass of water, which was sitting beside the TV screen. He chugged it down, and glanced back at his friend, chuckling as he continued to lay on the ground. “Something got you down?” Simon asked.

“What makes you say that?” Harry replied.

“You were distracted all video.” Simon replied, like it was obvious.

“I was distracted?!” Harry said, sitting up to look at Simon dead in the eyes. “I was distracted because there was clearly something wrong with you, mate!”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” Simon replied, though his voice was lower than usual.

“C’mon. You tell me everything. You’ve always had. What’s wrong?” Harry asked, already feeling quite concerned.

“It’s nothing… conclusive yet.” Simon replied, gripping the glass in his hand even harder.

“Dude.” Harry said, feeling incredibly impatient.

“Let's go grab some food, I’m famished.” Simon said, clearly trying to change the topic.

“I’m literally going to strangle you right here and now if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” Harry stood firm. He knew he would be able to help. If Simon would just goddamn tell him.

“Bloody hell, Harry. Okay. I promise I’ll tell you as soon as we sit down and get something to eat, okay?” Harry was taken aback. He’d never seen Simon get so agitated so quickly. Something was clearly wrong. He nodded, and stood up, grabbing his jacket as he whistled, walking to the door of his apartment.

“Let’s go then, prick.” Harry replied, rolling his eyes. He knew being the ‘little boy’ of the group always made Simon laugh, and he was putting on this persona to make him feel a little better about whatever was going on. It worked, and Simon smiled a little as he grabbed his own jacket at the door. It was currently winter in the UK, and though it wasn’t snowing, the weather was still cold enough to warrant wearing something warmer than usual.

The men walked together as they headed to the elevator, both deep in their own thoughts. They had been friends long enough that they didn’t really need to communicate often to break the silence. They could sit for hours together, neither of them saying a single word, and it was never awkward between them. Even when they first met, they never had a moment of awkwardness. Why would they, when they were so perfect as friends?

“Where are we going, then?” Harry asked, glancing at his friend as they headed into the elevator. Usually, he would be insisting on picking the restaurant, but Simon clearly needed a pick-me-up, so he would let him pick. For now.

“Hmm…” Simon said, looking up as he furrowed his brows. “I’m thinking… Katie’s?”

Harry mimicked a gagging motion. Katie’s was a new bar that opened down the street, a restaurant that focused mainly on vegetarian food. He wanted a thick meaty burger today - not salad. “You’re disgusting.” He replied, but followed him down the street nonetheless, towards the restaurant he’s only been once more. He had to admit the food wasn’t too bad, but he was getting tired of Simon’s vegetarianism, and wanted to shove meat down his throat just so he would admit he liked it.

The hostess smiled a brilliant smile at them as they approached, something Harry was completely used to. They were both pretty good looking British men, with accidents that made girls swoon when they heard them talk. To say they had a huge following on social media was an understatement, and they were usually stalked on the street, with their fans requesting to take pictures of them. Of course, they always agreed. Their fans were the people who made them who they were today. “For two?” She asked, studying the two men.

Harry nodded, and she led them into the restaurant, sitting them in two seats well away from the other customers. “Your server will be here in a second.” She informed them, and Harry immediately glanced at Simon, checking to see if he was finally ready to talk.

“Tell me. Now.” Harry said, not letting Simon get out of it this time.

“C’mon, mate. Let me order first.” Simon replied, his head deep in the menu.

“Don’t pretend you don’t have the menu already memorized.” Harry said, calling him out.

“I do not!” Simon replied. “I’ve only been here once, too, you know.”

“I assumed you came here with Talia multiple times.” Harry replied matter-of-factly. He immediately saw Simon tense up, and Harry narrowed his eyes at his friend. So that was what was wrong. “So… what did she do to you this time?” He was concerned about the fact that Simon didn’t tell him immediately, even calling him right away after the fight to tell him what happened. He always did before, so what was wrong this time?

“How did you know?” Simon replied, dropping the menu immediately. Harry only rolled his eyes in response. Simon breathed out a shaky sigh, and finally said, “she wants to take a break.”

Harry couldn’t help the look on this face. He stared at his friend, his eyes wide as he wondered if he was messing with him. “What?”

“You heard me the first time.” Simon replied.

“Why?” Harry asked, and was interrupted by the waitress, who walked by to take their order. After telling her exactly what they wanted, Harry glanced back at Simon, trying to force the story out of him.

“Okay, stop looking at me like that. I’ll tell you.” Simon said. “So… last night, she was acting a little unusual, so I sat down beside her, asking her what was up.”

“Okay…” Harry said, looking at him intently.

“She told me that she had a lot on her mind, and we really had to talk.” Simon continued. “Ugh… this is really embarrassing.”

“Dude, you’ve never hid anything from me before. I even know your ass wiping habits.” Harry said.

“Okay.” Simon nodded. “We haven’t had sex in months.” He emphasized. Harry let out a low whistle. “I didn’t want to tell any of you, it’s too fucking embarassing.”

“Damn, why don’t you just do her?” Harry replied, like it was obvious.

Simon stared at him like he was an idiot. “Wow, wish I thought of that.” He shook his head. “It’s just… something has died recently. Something between us. I don’t know how to initiate anymore, and she’s never done it herself. And we’ve both been so busy with our own careers we barely get to see each other. It’s like we’re not even dating anymore.” He said. “Every time we take a picture on instagram together it feels like a lie.”

“So that’s why you asked her for a break?” Harry asked.

“Actually… she was the one who asked for one.” Simon revealed. Harry lifted up an eyebrow, shocked.

“Did she say why?”

“Well, she started off talking about everything I just told you, how it didn’t feel like we were dating anymore. Then she talked about a model she had met through instagram, someone she had been talking to for a few weeks now.”

“Excuse me?” Harry asked, already feeling angry.

“Yeah. She wasn’t hiding it from me, but I had no idea of… the extent of it.” Simon said.

“Is she cheating on you?” Harry asked. He would be going to Talia immediately if that was the case. He didn’t know what he would do when he got there, perse. But he would be doing something. Simon was too beautiful of a soul for anyone to mess with him.

“No. She’s not.” Simon said. “You can stop looking so murderous now.” He chuckled. “She just… told me that she realized she wanted to try something out with the instagram model, and didn’t want to hurt me… but she knew it had been going wrong between us for some time now.”

Harry shook his head. “I can’t believe this.”

“Well, it’s happening.”

“I knew something would go wrong when you started dating someone that seemed obsessed with their own appearance.” Harry let his anger flare out of him.

Simon narrowed his eyes, his temper flaring up as well. “Don’t talk about Talia that way. She doesn’t deserve that. She’s always been so nice to you. To all of us.”

Harry could only shake his head as their food arrived. “I just… this sucks. Seeing you like this. I thought you two were end game.”

“I did, too, Harry.” Simon said, looking down at his food like he knew he didn’t actually want to eat any anymore.

They ate in silence, with Harry looking up at Simon from time to time, feeling a little defeated. “I don’t know how to help you, mate.” He said finally.

“You don’t need to help me.” SImon chuckled. “You’re the youngest, we should be taking care of you.”

“But… it doesn’t feel like a break, does it? It feels like you’re breaking up.”

Simon nodded. “I know. I think it’s over. It just hasn’t really hit me yet. I just feel really dazed.”

“I hate seeing you like this.” Harry leaned back on his chair, crossing his leg as he did. “Tell you what - why don’t we have fun tonight, live it up like the old days, before you were tied down by her?” he tried to look cheerful about it, but Simon only shook his head in response.

“I’m not sure if I’d be down for that. I mean… it seems like the perfect time to just go home and relax, think about everything I did wrong, you know?”

Harry sighed in frustration. “That’s the opposite of what you should be doing. Listen. I’ve come up with a compromise. Let’s go back to my place, crack open a few beers, maybe do some shots, and you’ll feel better in no time.”

“Um…” Simon said, ready to knock Harry down again.

“I’m not taking no for an answer, mate!”

“C’mon Harry.”

“Nope. We’re going to pay for the bill, go to Tesco, buy a shit ton of alcohol, and live it up. No complaints, no saying no. I’m your buddy, and we’re going to do as I say.”

“God dammit, Harry. Fine. Do it your way.” Simon finally agreed.

Harry gave out a little ‘whoop!’ of happiness, and they proceeded to pay for the bill and walk down to Tesco, which was only a short walk away. Simon rolled the cart round as Harry piled on bottle after bottle of alcohol, nodding as he did. “Yes… yes. This will do.” He murmured to himself, calculating how many shots he needed to get Simon completely wasted.

They both glanced up as they heard giggling, and two teenage girls approached shyly, edging each other on. Harry couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He didn’t need this right now, not with Simon being all broody and sad. “Excuse me… um…” The girl in the front asked, looking incredibly shy. “Can we get a picture with you two?”

Harry put on his usual brilliant smile when he saw fans, and nodded. “Sure!” He pulled Simon along, who was also smiling at the two girls. He wrapped his arm around Simon’s, and put on his most photogenic smile as the girls reached their phone out to take a selfie together. When they were done, they glanced at their cart, looking a little flabbergasted.

“Is that all for the two of you?” One asked, looking a little braver.

Harry lied and said, “nope, the whole crew’s having a night out.” He didn’t want them labelled all over social media as alcoholics, especially since he was already pretending to be a druggie.

“Wow, sounds like a lot of fun.” She was batting her eyelashes at him, an indication that she wanted to be invited. Instead, Harry pulled Simon along, telling them that they had a lot more stuff to shop for, and had to go. But thanks for being such supportive fans!

It was only a few minutes later when his twitter feed blew up, with all the fans talking about how the crew was having a party all weekend, and a picture of their cart showed up, with new fan drawings of them being completely drunk.

Simon continued to stay quiet as they lined up, and Harry put his phone away as he studied his friend again, realizing he might be more upset than he put on. Before he could say anything though, Simon said, “Thanks for taking charge back there.”

Harry was a little taken aback, and replied, “hey, anytime man.”

“I’ve never seen you take charge before. You’re usually so introverted in front of fans.”

“Introverted towards everyone else other than you peeps, you mean.” Harry clarified.

“Yeah. And being the youngest… we usually teach you what’s up. You’re so awkward in front of fans in public. I never saw you this way before.” Simon said.

Harry wanted to make a gagging motion from Simon saying cheesy stuff again, but he was clearly saying those words because it meant a lot to him. So instead, Harry said, “Hey, I’m here for you whenever you need me. I can step up if I want to, okay?” He patted Simon awkwardly on the back.

Simon grinned back for the first time that night. “Thanks. And thanks for all this.” He waved towards the piles of alcohol.

“You’d do the same for me.” Harry winked. “Do you think we should invite the others? I do think I went a little overboard with the alcohol.” Harry said as they moved forwards in the line.

“I....” Simon shook his head. “No, I think I want it to just be us two. I’m not ready to explain why we’re getting drunk yet. And I might reveal too much when I get wasted. You know what I’m like.”

Harry couldn’t help but blush a little. The fact that Simon cared so much about him… even more than the others, that he would be willing to let out his drunk-side like this, even on a day where he was feeling incredibly vulnerable. It meant a lot. He always knew they were particularly close, but Simon had never actually expressed it, and Harry hadn’t either.

“ID please.” The cashier said, staring at Harry and the cart he had pushed up to her.

Harry laughed out loud, a beautiful, cheery, laugh, and fished out his ID for the woman. “I look like I’m 18 to you, hmm?”

“Sir, I have to ID anyone who’s buying that quantity of alcohol. Especially when he looks like he’s going to consume it all himself.” Simon couldn’t help but laugh out loud as well, and nudged his friend a few times. This was exactly what Simon needed right now. More self-deprecating humour about how childish Harry was. Especially humour led on by a middle-aged woman, who looked like she was about to quit at any moment.

“C’mon, let’s go.” Harry said, and picked up one of the paper bags, letting Simon carry the other. “We’re going to have a wild night.”

----

It was completely ridiculous, but they spent the next few hours watching youtube videos from when they first started out. It wasn’t like they had nothing better to do, but it was nice to do something they would usually do as a video idea outside of the platform, and be able to laugh out loud at how stupid they were when the first started. Harry had initially began his career at 13, where he posted a bunch of videos that completely mortified him now, a lot of which are now privatized. He put them on for Simon to laugh at, and the other man already seemed much better, at least he was finally not looking so gloomy to Harry’s eyes. Commanding himself for a job well done, he spent the rest of the time forcing shots down Simon’s throat, pretending like it was some new concoction he had just thought up, and would definitely be his new favorite. It wasn’t.

Simon, not wanting to drink alone, forced shot after shot down Harry’s throat as well, and Harry hadn’t minded one bit. He was reminding him of the old Simon again, the one wasn’t constantly worried about Talia and what he may be doing wrong in her mind.

“We should stop.” Simon said at around 1am, swaying from side to side with his eyes shut.

“Stop?! Stop!?” Harry replied, also swaying a bit. “Are you mad, lad? We’re going all night! The night is still young, and so are we. Are you really going to let a few shots boggle us down?” He was standing at the kitchen counter, trying to think up another drink he could manage to give Simon that would make him want to puke less.

“First of all, I’m no longer young. I’m almost 30. Second of all, you call what we did tonight a few drinks?! What’s gotten into you?” Simon attempted to get up, but grunted and fell back down again. Instead of trying to get up again, he layed back down on Harry’s plush carpet, rolling to rub his face in it.

“We’ll I’m not almost 30, you old man.” Harry said, tsking at him.

“What’s gotten into you?” Simon said, groaning into the carpet. “You’ve never been so addicted to alcohol before.”

Harry paused, then walked over to Simon, holding two beers in his hand. He plopped down on the couch next to him, and handed him his drink. “Here. This will make you feel better.”

“MORE ALCOHOL?” Simon replied, looking up at Harry for a second before groaning and dropping down on the ground.

“Um…” Harry replied, and set it to the table on his side.

“Well? You didn’t answer my question.” Simon’s voice was muffled against the carpet, but Harry could decipher what he was trying to say anyways.

“I’m not addicted to alcohol.” Harry said, rolling his eyes despite Simon not being able to see him. “I just… I’ve missed you, man.” He scratched the back of his head, feeling awkward. God, why was it so awkward with Simon today?

Simon froze, and paused for a second before he pushed himself up, crossing his legs to face Harry. “Dude, did you just say you missed me?”

“I’VE JUST MADE THIS AWKWARD HAVEN’T I?” Harry replied, and smushed a pillow against his face.

Simon laughed out loud. Genuinely laughed out loud, hitting his hand across his lap as he snorted, and tears began streaming down his eyes. “Christ, man. Harry you’re absolutely adorable.”

Harry removed the pillow from his face and stared at Simon. “Did you just say what I thought you said?”

Simon flushed for a second, even redder than he already was with the alcohol consumption and cleared his throat. Instead of answering, he said, “What do you mean you missed me? We see each other almost every day.”

Harry left the couch and plopped on the floor to scoot closer to Simon, but still kept his distance as he said, “well, I didn’t want to say anything… but just the way you’ve been recently. So broody, so unlike yourself. I missed my friend, you know? We’re either with the rest of the gang or filming something, we haven’t spent actual time together in a while now.”

Simon’s eyes widened in surprise. Only slightly, before he composed himself again. “I had no idea you felt that way.”

Harry tried to look as nonchalant as possible. “Eh. It’s nothing. Probably just the alcohol making me all cheesy, you know?”

Simon chuckled. He did know Harry to be a sappy drunk. A memory flashed in his head from a party they had a few weeks ago, making him gulp slightly. He also remembered Harry to be… a touchy drunk. He hoped Harry wouldn’t get too handsy tonight, though he realized at once he wouldn’t really mind. He hadn’t hugged or touched anyone properly in months, even while being in a serious relationship with Talia. It would be nice to have someone, even a friend, to give a hug to. Just once.

The video that was playing in the background ended, and without another in the queue, the room fell silent, with neither of the boys saying a word to each other. “Should I go, then?” Simon said, wondering how Harry would react.

Harry shook his head adamantly in response. “No. You’re staying here tonight. You’re too hammered for me to trust to get home properly.”

Simon rolled his eyes, though was secretly feeling a little relieved. He didn’t fancy the thought of being alone tonight. “What do you want to do now then? Sleep?”

“Let’s put on some music, it’ll wake us up.” Harry said, and spoke to his smart speaker, telling it to play his playlist. He laid back on the carpet, sighing deeply as he closed his eyes, humming along to the music.

“You don’t look like you’ve woken up.” Simon teased, before laying down next to Harry as he looked up at the ceiling.

“Should we say more sappy shit now?” Harry asked. Simon only made a small grunt and ignored him, and began humming to the song as well. Fuck. He was a sad drunk, and the music was making him have flashbacks about his relationship with Talia. The good old days, before instagram became her obsession, and youtube became his. When they kept each other company not for the comments and likes, and just because they liked each other’s company. Would couples all be like this now? Constantly plagued by the shadow of social media?

He was about to turn and ask Harry this, when he noticed the other man was looking at him with widened eyes. “What’s wrong?” Simon asked, and Harry reached out, tentatively, his hand against Simon’s face as he wiped the droplets that had just formed on Simon’s eyes.

Simon couldn’t help but shiver at the sensation of Harry’s fingers against his face. It was gentle… and soft… and he hadn’t even realized he was crying in the first place.

“Are you okay?” Harry practically whispered.

“Yeah.” Simon replied. And then realized he wasn’t okay.

“You don’t look okay.”

“I’m not, really.” Simon finally said, breathing out a shaky sigh. “I think it's all hitting me at once. The realization… that I’ll never be with her again.”

“I thought you said it was a break.”

“I really don’t think so, Harry.” Simon replied. The weird part was… Harry’s hands were still on his face as he continued to speak, and the heat seeped into his body, making Simon feel slightly better about everything that had happened. It was so comforting, knowing someone was there for him.

Their faces turned to each other were so close now, and he could feel Harry’s breath on him. In and out, in and out, exactly in rhythm to his own. They felt so connected at this very moment, and Simon tried to blame it on the alcohol. He really did. But he felt a drive, an unconditional drive coming from his body to just do it. Do what he wanted to do for the last few minutes.

And so he did.

He moved forwards, slowly, gently, and placed his lips on Harry’s. Harry tensed up at once, unable to understand what was actually happening. Simon’s heart was beating so fast that it felt like it was going to tear out of his chest, but he told himself to let Harry take his time to adjust, and finally, he did. He kissed him back, his lips pressing back at Simon’s as gently as he was taking it. Their foreheads pressed against each other, and Simon parted from Harry’s lips to breathe out a shaky laugh. They hadn’t said a word to each other, but laid there with their foreheads against each other, both minds feeling calm and crazy at the same time.

The two boys fell asleep like that, both feeling better than they had in a very, very long time.

----

Harry woke up first the next morning. He had consumed less last night, after all. He was laying on the carpet on his back, with Simon’s arms around his stomach, pinning him down gently. He looked to the right, and studied Simon’s sleeping expression, something that he’d seen before and always loved. He knew Simon was a cuddler, though knew the man didn’t actually know what he was doing.

He replayed what had happened yesterday in his mind. Over and over again. Like a movie he couldn’t escape from. Had that really happened? Or was it all a figment of his imagination? Did Simon reach out and kiss him, really kiss him, like he had feelings for him?

Harry… Harry had always known that he liked Simon, though it was always as a friend and nothing more. If he were honest with himself, he knew that they would be the perfect couple. They complimented each other quite well, and had the same hobbies and same work schedule, which would be the opposite of what he had with Talia. But… Harry wasn’t gay. He wasn’t interested in dudes, and he wouldn’t be able to see Simon the same way. No, he wouldn’t judge him for what he did, and in the back of his mind, he tried to convince himself that it was an act of need more than anything else. The need to be loved, to be touched, to be cared for. Isn’t that what everyone wanted at the end of the day?

He was nervous about what Simon would say when he woke up. Would he try to change the topic, pretend it never happened? Or maybe he would tell Harry that he was in love with him, and wanted to start a relationship with him. Harry hoped not. He wasn’t ready for something like that. He didn’t know if he ever would be.

Instead of letting himself think any longer, he reached out and grabbed Simon’s arm, moving it slowly to Simon’s side to not wake him up. When he was done, Harry got up, though stopped for a second to press his hand against his head, groaning from the terrible hangover that was just beginning. He walked to his kitchen, and began his coffee machine, knowing exactly how Simon took his coffee.

He had showered and changed his clothes by the time Simon woke up. He groaned immediately as he did, clearly feeling the effects of last night as well, and looked like a deer in headlights when he finally stared at Harry, and the events of last night rushed into him as well.

“Harry… I….” He said, trying to form a complete sentence to explain himself.

Harry decided to save him the trouble and said, “morning sleepyhead. I made you some coffee.”

Simon grinned widely and got up, approaching the coffee like a man on a mission. “I’ve always known you were a good lad.”

They spent the next few minutes talking about everything except for what they should be talking about, and Harry could see Simon’s eyes glaze up once in a while, an indication that he was still concerned about what was happening, and wanted to talk about it.

Harry knew he wasn’t ready for that yet.

“Harry, we need to talk.” Simon said finally, looking at him then back down at his coffee, bracing himself.

“Listen, Simon.” Harry said. “You don’t have to explain anything. It was a spur of the moment act, you wanted someone to give you affection, to make you feel better about the break up. I was there for you, it’s all understandable.”

“But….” Simon began.

Harry shut him off again. “It’s alright. Never mind.”

Simon nodded, but was biting his lip, clearly uncomfortable.

“Listen, I have some stuff I need to do, videos to edit, you know.” Harry said. “You’re welcome to keep staying here, but I’ve got to get to work.”

“Oh.” Simon said, looking a bit awkward. “I’ll head out now then. I guess I’ll see you later?” Harry felt like he had just stabbed his best friend in the chest.

“Sure, I’ll text you.”

Simon nodded, agreeing.

And that was that.